All the curtains were drawn. There was nothing outside he wanted to see. There was nothing inside he wanted to light up. There were too many reminders around the house, trip wires that triggered mines in his memory.

The house smelled like a long neglected basement. A film of dust had settled on any surface that greeted it. There were dishes in the kitchen waiting to be tended to and a smell like death from beneath the sink where a small trash can was overstuffed with half eaten TV dinners and empty beer bottles. The toilet in the upstairs bathroom ran continuously.

He didn’t go upstairs any more.

Christian reached down and brought the bottle back up to his lips. The liquor stung his chapped lips. Tears rose in his eyes.

He had no idea what time it was.

He closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep.

* * * * *

Gabrielle swerved the Humvee angrily around a slow driver and shifted the phone to her left ear.

“Mother, I know. For God’s sake, please.” She pulled the phone away long enough to flick a loose curl of her sandy blond hair out of the way of her ear.

“I’m on my way to his house right now.” The streetlight in front of her was suddenly red. She braked hard, the huge tires barked at the asphalt as she jerked to a stop. She sighed. “Hang on, mother.” She dropped the phone to the console between the front seats, signaled, and turned into a convenience store parking lot.

She paused before picking up the phone. “Okay,” she said. “I know it’s been four months. You can’t expect him to just get over it.” She shifted the Humvee into Park. “You and I both know Christian. He’s a fighter. You’ve seen what he’s done with his life. Look at EmCom. He built that company single handed.”

“I am not being modest. I’m only part of it because he gave me a part to play. But that’s not the point. The point is that he’s strong. And I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t need us to ignore his pain. And I know you want to come to Phoenix but babying him is not going to help. You’ll just be frustrated and in the way.”

Gabrielle lowered her head. She was tired. Worn out. These battles of will with her controlling mother always drained her. “He loves you Mother. I love you. He just needs to work through this. Don’t worry, I’m going to give him a nudge and try to get him going again. I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

She disconnected the call but didn’t pull out of the parking lot right away. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say when she got to her brother’s house. She had planned a couple of speeches. One had been funny, meant to draw him out, to make him crack a smile and realize that life couldn’t’ be all that bad if he could still laugh with his sister. Another was aggressive, more like her famous sales meetings; a blasting attack on performance followed by a rousing, motivational call to arms. But this wasn’t a sales team. This wasn’t an employee. This was her brother; the person she was closest to in the world.

All through life, Christian had been the stronger of the two, always the leader. Gabrielle didn’t resist it. She accepted it. Although he was only two years older and her female friends were quick to call her relationship a characteristic example of male dominance, she preferred it. She saw such strength in him. Strength she wasn’t sure she saw in herself.

But now Gabrielle had been called upon to be the strong one. Christian was broken and she took it as her responsibility to fix him.

She sighed again, shifted the Humvee into reverse, and looked over her shoulder. She would go to his house and just wing it. She hoped she would say just what he needed to hear.

* * * * *

“Christian. Open up you shit. I know you’re in there.” Gabrielle banged on his front door again. It rattled against its frame.

She was a tall woman - five foot eleven - but she still had to stand up on her toes to look through the small, stained-glass window. “Christian. We need to talk.”

She thought she heard a noise inside, a rustle. Or the hollow thud of a drinking glass falling onto carpet-covered wood floor.

“Fuck it. I’m coming in,” she said and back up ten steps down the walkway. She had never broken down a door before but felt like she’d seen enough movies to know the drill. She dropped her backpack that passed for her purse on the ground and set her feet, right shoulder facing the door.

She hit the door square, her shoulder bearing most of the weight, and bounced backward off the door.

“Ow, goddammit,” she said as she sat on the walk.

The door swung open. She saw her brother walking away; a silhouette retreating into the darkness of the cave he had built for himself.

* * * * *

“Do you think this is healthy?” Gabrielle said as she pulled the curtains back to let sunlight stream into the living room. Christian winced at the sudden light and sat back on the couch.

Gabrielle sat in the recliner across from the couch and took stock of her brother. He was dressed in sweats and looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a few days. His hair was hidden under an Arizona Diamondbacks baseball cap. “We haven’t seen you at the office for a while. Everyone’s asking about you. They want to know how you’re holding up.”

Christian lowered his head, deflecting the attention.

“If you’re not going to talk to me that’s fine,” she said. “You can just listen. There are a lot of people who care about you whether you hide from them or not.

“Whatever happened to Noel…”

A sound escaped Christian’s lips, a pained, restrained intake of breath.

“…happened. There isn’t anything you can do to change the past.” She leaned forward and placed her hand gently on his leg. “And hiding in this pit is the last thing that’s going to help you feel any better?”

She could see a thought float across his eyes.

“What?”

“Maybe I don’t want to feel better?”

She cupped his chin. “I know honey. But what good is this? You feel guilty but you did nothing wrong. No one knows what happened to Noel. So how can you possibly be responsible?”

His head came up.

“I know you have pain,” she said. “This pain is not your life. It’s only a part of it. Let’s draw a line between your pain and the rest of your life.” She pulled him up to him, her hands on his shoulders. “I love you Christian. Let me help you.”

She wrapped her arms around him. She felt him give into the embrace, melting everywhere their bodies touched.

Then he spoke, one simple word that said everything she needed to know. He was reaching out.
“Okay.”

She could feel his tears on her cheek. “Besides,” she said “Mother won’t leave me alone until I prove to her you still exist.”

He laughed softly.

She stepped back. “Now, pack your stuff, you’re moving in with me.”

* * * * *

Gabrielle had the car phone to her ear, talking to her personal assistant. “Hi Sandy, this is Gabby. Can you call that handyman service we used at the rental on Campbell and send them to Christian’s house to replace the back door? Be sure they replace it and not just patch it. And ask Shimmel Landscaping to take care of the yards. Christian always did that work himself and they look a little rough right now.” She looked over at her brother who had fallen asleep as soon as they pulled away from his house. It was a good sign.

“I’ll be in first thing in the morning. Call a managers meeting will you, and pull together all the project reports on the latest beta testing.” She pressed a switch clipped to her visor to open her building’s garage door.

“He might be there. If he feels better.”